Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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