Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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