i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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