i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
