She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
