took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
