Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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