dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
