My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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