i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
did i just pee glitter
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
