He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
