Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
