I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
