He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
