D3 body, D1 cock
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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