He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
