Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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