just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
