her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I can't turn off my feet"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
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