I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
