My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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