I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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