nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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