I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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