Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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