dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
