I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
