WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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