How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm always down for nudity.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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