She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
