I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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