All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
