So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
