I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
