i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
