I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
3 2 1 whiskey
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
