You surviving the open bar?
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I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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