Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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