You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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