dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
