Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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