Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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