If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
