There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
