Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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