There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
