I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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