i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
