how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
