38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
