ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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