I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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