the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
