All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
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My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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