It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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