I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
