I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
