We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
