well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
