i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The adults are the big ones right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
