There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
