the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
