I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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