Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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