u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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