My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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