I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
