why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
