You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
