Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
whose parrot is this?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
