I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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