New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
