I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
