just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
