I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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