What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
