you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
